The JewZoo

SHOCKER!

2006-07-26T14:11:00.000-04:00

Lance Bass of 'N Sync Reveals He's Gay

Hatip: AriB

The Apple Stays!

2006-07-25T15:08:00.000-04:00

Everybody can relax now. I've asked Mets Customer Relations about the dwelling of the Home Run Apple in the new Mets Ballpark.

ZooKeeper-Benjamin: Will the new Mets Ballpark have the Home Run Apple that Shea Stadium has?

Customer_Relations@nymets.com: Thank you for your email. The Home Run Apple will be a part of our new Stadium in one form or another.

I hope "one form or another" turns out to be a good thing.

Bush Gets Patriotic Shoes

2006-07-21T13:21:00.000-04:00

PORT WASHINGTON, Wis. (AP) - Anyone looking to sport the same red-white-and-blue shoes President Bush received from a Wisconsin company last week is out of luck.

Allen-Edmonds Shoe Corp. says it won't duplicate the patriotic wingtips it gave Bush when he visited its Port Washington factory July 11.

He is such a dork.

The Rebbe Turns 13

2006-07-19T23:08:00.000-04:00

I was dining in a local establishment when I came across the following bencher taken from a Bar Mitzvah. This is an unedited picture, excpet for the name that I fubared, from the camera on my cell phone.

Doesn't the bar mitzvah boy look familiar?

Since He Is Back In The News

2006-07-18T13:28:00.000-04:00

Lets revive an old post and add to it:

Kramer:

Keanu Reeves:

Miss me?

2006-07-18T13:05:00.000-04:00

Ahhh... Great to be back from vacation. So, whatdi miss?

Vacation

2005-07-18T07:46:00.000-04:00

I know it has been a while since I've posted, so I thought I would post and let you all know that I am going on vacation for a few days and won't be posting. har!

Question for Heshy

2005-07-11T09:26:00.000-04:00

Heshy writes a lot about measure for measure:

It was Tony Blair who, in meeting with President Bush, first advocated putting the pressure on Israel to give up land and build up the PLO again, calling it, "...the single-most pressing political challenge." Once again, just as busses in Israel are blown-up by these terrorists who have been receiving billions of dollars from the European Union, now G-d gave them a taste of the terror Israelis feel when one their buses gets blown-up. Measure for Measure.

What reason do the jews in charedi communities need to be suicide bombed on buses?

According to what Heshy wrote, the Chareidi community must be supporting the terrorist. According to what Heshy wrote, The Charedi community supports the terrorist so the terrorist can kill Charedis.

Interesting.

Mystical

2005-07-05T10:21:00.000-04:00

Two interesting stories:

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian astrologist who says NASA has altered her horoscope by crashing a spacecraft into a comet is suing the U.S. space agency for damages of $300 million, local media reported Monday.

NASA deliberately crashed its probe, named Deep Impact, into the Tempel 1 comet to unleash a spray of material formed billions of years ago which scientists hope will shed new light on the composition of the solar system.

"It is obvious that elements of the comet's orbit, and correspondingly the ephemeris, will change after the explosion, which interferes with my astrology work and distorts my horoscope," Izvestia daily quoted astrologist Marina Bai as saying in legal documents submitted before Monday's collision.

A spokeswoman for a Moscow district court said initial preparations for the case were underway but could not say when the hearing would begin. NASA representatives in Moscow were unavailable for comment.

In a related story:
Chassidish Man Sues Baal Habais After Havdalah Wine Finished
Jewish Community, USA (JewZoo) - Yoodle, the chassidish man, is suing a local baal habais over some havdalah wine. After the local baal habais finished the ceremonial havdalah and bid farewell to the sabbath, he drank the cup of wine in its entirety, not even leaving a drip in the saucer. "I was thirsty", said the man. By doing this, Yoodle, was unable to dip his body parts in to the wine and rub eyes, ears, and pockets with the wine. An angered Yoodle said: "Now my week is ruined and I wont get smart and make money."

Remembering July 4, 1776

2005-07-01T12:26:00.000-04:00

with explosives

Enjoy your Independence Day

Forhead pays for school

2005-06-30T14:40:00.000-04:00

For $10,000 and a brighter future for her son, Kari Smith on Wednesday became a real life pop-up ad for a virtual casino.

Smith shows off the new ad site. She plans to use the $10,000 to send her son Brady, left, to a private school.
click here for full story

What does her son learn from this?

Gambling is good.

Selling your body (much like a prostitute) is good.

His mom says, laughing, "My brain is already numb"

His mom has a gigantic forehead.

Private school only costs $10,000

What goes to the next world?

2005-06-28T09:23:00.000-04:00

Related
What actually goes to the next world?

What is a neshoma?

2005-06-27T16:39:00.000-04:00

A post and conversation over at Godol Hador got me thinking about what a neshoma(soul) is.

What is a soul?

Let me know. k,thanks.

Walk of Fame

2005-06-24T11:50:00.000-04:00

Are they running out of people to give stars to?!

Ebert Gets A Star

The Jewish Athiest Responds

2005-06-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

I asked The Jewish Atheist what type of atheist he is. I thank him for taking the time to write a response for me.

I few things trouble me about his answers.

Before I continue, I don't know if The Jewish Atheist is male or female but I think I picked up someone on her blog that she is a she. So I am referring to her in feminine. If this is incorrect, I will edit this post to reflect.

Technically, I am a strong atheist

First she calls herself a strong atheist when the entire essay she wrote points to herself being a weak atheist. She questions about Judaism that were not answered satisfactorily, which lead her to question Gods existence. She even concludes "I can't prove that God doesn't exist". She doesn’t lend one argument to God not existing. To me, this makes her a weak atheist even though she believes herself to be a strong one.

The six days' account of creation seemed to contradict Evolution

No it doesn’t and if you still feel it does, the Rambam says you don’t need to believe it literally.

what the firmament was. He said, "I always thought of it as the stratosphere." Huh??

You got a bad answer and you questioned further. That is very commendable. Most of the religious people I meet refuse to think.

no mention of dinosaurs or of mass extinctions (pre-Flood)

It doesn’t record what Moses had for breakfast the day before he went up the mountain. Everything needs to be recorded?

Well, so, maybe it was metaphorical. Maybe it was just a pretty story. But then what about the rest of the Torah? Was the Flood just a story? How about Abraham? I was a big reader of fiction as well as science books and the stories in the Torah certainly read like fiction. Don't Adam and Eve, Cain and Able, Isaac and Ishmael, Isaac and Esau sound like fiction? Aren't they a little too pat to be historical record? Joseph and the multicolored coat? Come on, now. What about Egypt? How do I know that even happened?

We don’t know for sure that any story happened. I don’t think it changes my belief system at all. What if it is all a story and not factual? What if God made it up? So what? I don’t think it would change anything. The torah is used as a tool to get laws from. That’s really it. Who cares if we get the laws from truths or stories?

But if God wrote the Torah, or if God even talked to Moses, or talked to anyone, why didn't He take some easy steps to alleviate suffering? Couldn't he have just explained about tiny, invisible bugs that cause illness? If God exists at all, why does He allow such misery in the world? Why the earthquakes?

Some would say because the things we perceive as bad and good are just part of Gods reward and punishment system. I don't agree with that necessarily. I don't know if all the things you listed are really bad. They are just interpreted as bad. Maybe they are good. Maybe 'suffering' in this world leads to a better eternity after life? Who can say why good things and bad things happen. You ask the same question Moses asked. People tell me to look in Iyov(Job). I never have. I wont fib an answer to you like you have gotten from your Rabbis. I will straight out tell you that I don't know. But me not knowing doesn’t hinder my belief in God. God has reasons. I am not God. I don't know them.

If God exists at all, why does He allow such misery in the world...Why the holocaust and child slavery?

Are you asking why God didn’t create a Utopia? Why do your arguments stop at the holocaust; why not push is further and ask why did God make killers, why did God make people get mad, why did God make people disagree, why didn’t God make people all think the same, why didn’t God create a world of robots instead of people with the ability to choose... God wants us to choose our direction.

Why does the Torah hate gay people so much? Why does it allow slavery and condone genocide (e.g. of the Midionites and Amalek?) Even if it's not literal, even if the Torah is just allegory, and even if God inspired it rather than dictated it, shouldn't it be a better book? Shouldn't it be more moral?

The torah isn’t a moral book. Morals are determined by humans. The laws from the book aren’t based on Morals. What the heck is Kasharus about for goodness sake? Don’t know. Don’t care. It’s the law derived from the law book(not history book).

I read about other religions, past and present. I wondered, did the Greeks and Romans literally believe in their mythologies? How were my Rabbis so sure that the Torah is true but the New Testament is false? Why were the Muslims as confident that they're right as we were that we were? Wasn't it unlikely that I was just born into the right denomination of the one true religion? Didn't Muslims and Baptists and Catholics all think the same thing? Why hadn't all the smartest, best, and most learned people in the world converted to Orthodox Judaism if it's so obvious that we were right?

‘Cause it’s a belief. Its not knowledge. I can ask the same about atheism. “why aren’t all the top scholars atheists”?

Long ago before videorecorders and Richter scales, Moses supposedly split a sea. Before we knew that the Earth rotates, the Greeks believed a god pulled the sun around the earth each day. The Egyptians thought the sun was God. Jesus supposedly walked on water.

Also, Chazal thought the earth was flat. The rabbis can be wrong and they are. We only need follow them with regard to law. Nothing else. Not science, history, astrology. Nothing. Just law.

100 Grand

2005-06-23T16:39:00.000-04:00

If you had 100 Grand, what would you do?

LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) - A woman who won a radio contest that promised the winner "100 grand" sued after the station gave her a candy bar - a Nestle's 100 Grand - instead of $100,000....

...Before her family went to sleep that night, Gill says, she promised her children - ages 1, 5 and 11 - that they'd have a minivan, a shopping spree, a savings account and a home with a back yard....

This woman thinks 100,000 dollars is going to end her life woes for ever and make her one of the richest people in the world.

Minivan: $25,000
Shopping Spree: $10,000
A Home With A Back Yard: $450,000
Bankrupt Woman With A Candy Bar: Priceless.

II. Life

2005-06-22T15:50:00.000-04:00

Now that we have discovered there is a divine presence out there, the next step is to understand how that presence relates to us. Before picking a religion, we have to understand why we are here. For the sake of ease of writing, I will write "God" to mean "some divine presence out there", for we have not explored the possibility of "some divine presence out there" being multiple beings or other ideas. There are many different approaches to how God relates to us, how we view our purpose here, and which versions of history we agree with. All of these different ideas make up the different religions. Religion is a super hard topic to cover and has an extremely large breathe of information.

Ok, we’ve got a God. Now what? The next question someone should ask is what does He ‘want’ from me and why am I here? I don’t wish to use any sacred texts or emotion/spirituality. I will try to decipher this mystery by using my brain. As I emphasized in my first essay about God, using just the brain is very important.

God created the universe. Believing in evolution does not contradict Gods creation of the universe. The idea of just six days of creation versus billions of years of creation, is not being discussed here. Perhaps in a later essay I will address this topic. The point here is that God created the universe- in whichever fashion and a result is that humans exist. So God created humans. It was His intention. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here(see the Ontological Argument in essay I). God gave humans certain brain capabilities. By the fact that it is God’s intention to limit our brains’ function, God doesn’t want us trying to comprehend things beyond our brains capability. We must understand the universe just using our God given ability.

God created humans with the ability to reason, make decisions and with emotions. God created humans with a higher intelligence then animals. It would appear that God created the universe for humans. Animals can’t comprehend more then their built in instincts let alone a God. What possible function could a human have in the universe in relation to God? Essentially, I am trying to figure out the meaning of life.

“Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations…” -Monty Python’s Meaning Of Life

No Meaning To Life
I couldn’t talk about this topic without talking about Nihilism. The Nihilist approach is to say there is no point to life and no reason. Existence has no reason. No plan. Nothing. Nada. (People on Spring Break usually use this philosophy party hardy!) This idea is very strong because it can not be disproved. The only thing I can think of to help our cause is that by the fact the we are here, there is reason, or else the Perfect Being (God) would have created something with out a cause and that is not perfect.

Worship
I think the first idea that people think of as our function in this world, is to worship God. We might say that God created us to worship Him. I don’t think this is true. I think worship is part of a mechanical feature within a religion. I don’t think it is the purpose of man. This will be explained in a later essay after we have already picked a religion.

Do Good
Another popular idea may be that man’s purpose here is to do good. I don’t fully understand why people think this is the meaning of life. Perhaps they feel that if they do good then they get credit points with God. This makes man’s purpose purely selfish. Good deeds help a person with self-growth, which is very close to the meaning of life. Doing good is a feature of a religion but it doesn’t explain the actually meaning of life.

Populate
There is an idea expressed (usually along with care for the earth and the environment) that states one of man’s purposes is to populate the earth. Why in the world would this be a goal of life? Have relations and lots of it! Lets churn out kids to make this world have lots and lots and lots of people. Maybe we could use them to form a stellar army and face off against other worlds in a galactic battle of the stars. OR to populate is another feature of a religion but not the purpose of life.

Do God’s Will
Man’s purpose here is to do the will of God. Of course we must do God’s will or else we wouldn’t be here. This could be an option. There is just one major defect with this idea. Because God is, well, God, He doesn’t need or want anything. To say He does, limits Him and being a God, He has no limits. More on this idea in a later essay.

Explore Man’s Purpose
The meaning of life is a trek to find the purpose of man. This is ludicrous. To spend your whole life searching for something you can’t possibly attain. God didn’t create a goal that is beyond human ability. God gave us our limited ability for a reason. To use it for what it is. Not to try and use it for something it can’t be used for. Enjoy this endless loop of reasoning if you want drive yourself mad.

The Mesilat Yesharim(Path Of The Just) Approach
There are Jews in the audience that will try and quote from “Path Of The Just” by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto(18th century philosopher) which says that mans duty in this world is to get to get a nice seat in the next world and by doing the commandments in this world, we can get a nice seat in the next world. The Ramchal (short for Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto) failed to explain HOW this works. What reason is there that by doing commandments we get better places in the next world? To me, it is outlined in the next paragraph.

Be Close To God
This is what I think the meaning of life is. It is man’s goal to be close to God. We are here. He is ‘there’. The only thing we have in connection to each other is the ability to move closer or farther apart from each other. God doesn’t need us to be closer to Him; We should try to be closer to God. Most of this idea is dependent on self-growth. How we go about getting closer to God and self-growth will be looked at in the exploration of religions.

Being close to God is what it is all about. In this world we try to get close to him so that we can spend eternity in the next world being close to him. In later essays we will explore what commandments are all about and further try to learn what the Ramchal is talking about correctly.

This is my outlook on the meaning of life and the purpose of human beings. I am sure there are plenty of people who will disagree with me. That is fine. This is my opinion. I just request that anyone who does have their own ideas, please be sure it was received by using your head, not your heart and I would love to read about it in the comments section.

Don't You Love Thai Food?

2005-06-21T16:23:00.000-04:00

In the US, replace "Thai Food" for "Doughnuts".

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) - Thai policemen with waistlines larger than 40 inches have been ordered to reduce their weight in order to look good when they direct traffic, the police department announced Tuesday.

Recent medical examinations of 4,150 police officers in Bangkok found that 49 percent have high cholesterol and are overweight, which is "an obstacle" in directing traffic, said a statement from the Metropolitan Police Bureau.

Eighty-eight of the overweight officers whose waistlines ranged between 40 and 49 inches were ordered to join the "Smart Police," a one-month weight-loss program.

Reminds me of Chief Wiggum.

Battlefield 2™

2005-06-17T10:06:00.000-04:00

EA Games released the sequel to their popular Battlefield series last week. Following Battlefield 1942 and Battlefield Vietnam comes Battlefield 2. Unlike BF2’s predecessors, BF2 is not based on real life circumstances. BF42 takes place in WWII and uses the weapons, tanks, planes, etc of that time period. The playing field is also based on WWII map points that existed. BFV takes place during Vietnam and also includes the weapons, planes, tanks, jeeps, helicopters, etc. of that time period. The maps are all in Vietnam, most with lush over growth giving a jungle atmosphere. BF2 is in a fictional world. Many of the weapons, etc are similar to those that we have today and that maps look like places that could really exist but all are fictional. That might be the only un-realistic thing about BF2.

The graphics are extremely realistic in BF2. The EA team, along with DICE, have really done an outstanding job in making the fictional world become real. To optimally play you will need a strong graphics card. EA recommends one with 256MB on it. Mine has 128MB and I keep my graphics settings on medium. The world still looks amazing.

A big addition to BF2 is the Commander Mode feature and a squad structure. Basically this allows you to split your team in to squads, each having a squad leader. There is also one person who can be Commander. The commander can communicate with the squad leaders and the squad leaders can communicate with the commander and their own squad. The commander can assign tactical movements to the squad leaders and the squad leaders can then carry down those commands to their squads. Squad leaders can also communicate up the ladder requesting artillery strikes and other things from the commander. The person playing Commander can see the entire map, use scanners, spy drones, and artillery strikes. Each of these are timed and the commander must wait a small amount of time before he can use each item again. These three options- Scanner, UAV(which allows you team to see a small section of the map), and Artillery strikes are all dependent on structures on the battlefield. If an enemy were to destroy the Scanner room, the UAV Satellite or the Artillery silo, the commander can’t use them. The commander also has one more option which can not be destroyed. The ability to drop supply crates anywhere on the field. This leads me to the next big addition.

The battlefield has NO ammo boxes or health boxes at all. Usually games are unrealistic because the battlefield is littered with ammo supply boxes and health boxes to help people as they go around the map. BF2 makes people rely on two options to receive ammo or health. The first option is to rely on the Commander to parachute a supply crate down on the map somewhere for use. The second option is to have a Support unit and a Medic unit on your team.

If you are in close proximity to a Support or Medic they will replenish you in your ammo or health deficiency(respectively). These units can also drop packs for others to use when the Support or Medic has left the area. Another cool feature of the medic is the ability to revive people after death. The medic carries around shock paddles and could bring back critically wounded soldiers. Other units include snipers, engineers, assaults, etc. Each unit has its own specific role on the battlefield.

Incorporated into BF2 is VOIP. This is the first time anything like this has been seen in a video game. VOIP allows players in game to use voice communication without the need of 3rd party software. Not only that, but the game is set up to use VOIP in the command structure. Squads can only talk within a squad, Squad Leaders can talk to their own squad and the commander and the commander can talk to all squad leaders. This division makes communication clear and precise. No longer will team mates on the complete other side of the map interfere with you trying to relay something to a teammate next to you on the map. The commander can use voice to actually speak to squad leaders to let them get intelligence. Same for squad leaders to their squads. I have played a bunch of times using the demo version of the game in public servers. It is amazing to hear 32 random people you don’t know easily set up into a structure that is functional in milliseconds.

I give this game very high ratings.

To download the demo please go HERE. The retail version is to be released in the US on June 22.

See you on the battlefield.

Stir with a Straw

2005-06-16T10:34:00.000-04:00

Why are coffee mixers little red straws? What is the purpose of that? Why not little pink spoons (like you get at the ice cream store to take tastes) or some other mixing tool?

I. God

2005-06-15T16:01:00.000-04:00

Even though, at this point, it may seem like I am begging the question because we have not yet proved that God exists, I must relate this to you: Judaism requires us to use our brains and not to have "[blind] faith" that Judaism is the correct religion. We must see, understand and conclude there IS a God.

Since there is no hard evidence that God does or does not exist, aethiest as well as those who believe in God are all on a level playing field. No one knows. Everyone only believes.

The burden of proof is in proving that God does exist. You will see that this can’t be done because humans have limited ability. There is no burden to prove he doesn’t exist; It is very easy to be an atheist.

I am human. As a human, I came into this world with limited brain function(insert joke here). All humans, because of their nature, cannot understand certain ideas. A sample question is: "If a God is all mighty, can He create an object that He cant lift?" On one hand- God is suppose to be able to do anything- including create the heaviest object. On the other hand- God can lift anything. As human beings, we can't answer such a question. We don't have the brain capacity to do it.

As humans, with our limited ability, we can't prove God's existence. God is something we can't see, hear or touch. God is infinite and we can't understand that either. What created God? Where did He come from? These are questions that are beyond the limits of human understanding. Proving God's existence cannot be done. What can be done, is to use our human ability to ~~deduce~~ reason a divine presence.

The Ontological Argument
I will start with the Ontological Argument. This argument does not use any evidence to prove Gods existence. First we understand the concept of God to include the trait of perfection. To be perfect includes to exist. By the fact that God is perfect, He must exist.

The Cosmological Argument
The only evidence we have for this argument is that we are here. Something caused the universe to be. The cause was/is around for infinite time. That initial cause is God.

Pascal’s Wager
I know this isn't usually found in regards to proving God, but I have seen some places that use it as an argument for God so I will include it here for whatever it is worth.
Blaise Pascal is credited with, if not the actual idea then the roots of the idea. Pascal’s Wager does not use evidence to prove Gods existence. It uses a persons' self interest. It is in our best interest to believe in God. If we believe in God and He exists, we gain reward. Whereas if He does not exist, we have lost nothing. If we don’t believe in God and He does exist, we are open for punishment. Whereas if He does not exist we have lost nothing. It is in our best interest to choose A)’getting reward or nothing’ and to pass on B)’getting punishment or nothing’.

The Teleological Argument (The Argument From Design)
This argument has much evidence. It is often used to prove God's existence more then other arguments because man can see it. The universe is very complex: how ecology works and how there is a symbiotic relationship in the world. The probability that the complex universe and the intricate earth happened by chance, is slim. This world has the exact condition to house life- the prefect mixture of gases, the weather systems, etc. The universe `evolved` into many systems including our solar system that has Earth orbiting at the exact distance to sustain life. Venus is too hot and Mars is too cold. Imagine someone has dropped their fruit in a scattered pattern and you come across it. You will assume it accidentally fell. Imagine now that you came across lots of fruit in a small area. You might assume someone spilled their container with out realizing it. Now imagine a detailed structure of towers and pyramids of fruit. You will assume someone placed it there very carefully. So is the universe created very carefully. To say the order of the universe is set out so precisely by chance would be absurd. It is much more probable that the universe was created by a divine being.

There is also what to be said about miracles. One can argue that if the Bible is true, then the miracles contained in it are proof of God's existence. I don’t want to use this argument because the prerequisite for it is to believe the bible is true. If anyone is at this point in the journey to find God, they haven’t accepted the bible as true yet (if at all).

God exists. There are many more proofs besides the few that I’ve outlined here. Notice that I am not relying on spiritual feeling or emotion to comprehend God. I am trying to use my brain to determine His existence.

Intro. God, Reiligion, Judasim

2005-06-15T16:00:00.000-04:00

I would like to share with everyone my understanding of what Judaism is. Since it requires much introduction, I will split up my writings in to essays to be posted every so often.

This outline is subject to change, but I think I will start with God's existence. Whether or not God exists provides the basis that everything else stands on. I will explore the different philosophical schools of thought on this matter. After we prove that there is something divine out there, we will explore what religion means, what it is used for, and what each of the more popular religions have to offer. At this point, I will start to get into my understanding of what Judaism is and why following the G-d of the Israelites(as a Jew and a Non-Jew) is the correct path. I will then spend a few essays focusing on a few different aspects of Judaism. After that, I don't know where the writing will lead…

So please stop in and have a look at a few of my thoughts. I am sure there will be plenty to argue with at the beginning stages and much to ponder towards the middle. It will be a learning experience for me too.

You can keep up with all of the posts related to this topic on the side bar in the section titled: "God, Religion, & Judaism".

A quick jump guide to the essays:

Intro. Start Here (The post you are looking at right now)

I. God - Proofs

II. Life - The Meaning Of

III. Religion - Coming Soon!

IV.-Etc. - Coming Eventually!

The Shavuos Post

2005-06-10T11:42:00.000-04:00

I looked in the Mishna Brurah for some practices to do on Shavuos. I found one minhag. To eat dairy. I did not see one mention of staying up all night. I believe it is a practice that people follow because the Zohar mentions that the sages did it.

I don't follow the Zohar, nor am I a sage, so I am going to get a good nights rest which will allow me to pray in the morning without passing out during Krias Hatorah/Haftorah.

Some Mt Sinai Pics(click to enlarge):

Here is a question from DovBear.

Jews and Food and The Dead

2005-06-10T10:07:00.000-04:00

There is something about Jews. They are always eating. Always.

HOUSTON (AP) - Two daughters have sued a synagogue after they found a potato chip can in place of their mother's remains behind the locked, glass door of her niche in a mausoleum.

When the women visited Vivian Shulman Lieberman's niche in a Houston mausoleum a year ago, they found the cedar chest containing her ashes missing and a can of sour-cream-and-onion potato chips in its place.

1- Am I going to hell because I think this is hilarious?
2- Sour-cream-and-onion is an excellent choice.

THE CAREFUL BUILDER

2005-06-08T16:44:00.000-04:00

I saw them tearing a building down - a gang of men, in my hometown.

With a heave, and a ho, and a 'yes, yes!' yell They swung a beam, and a sidewall fell.

I said to the foreman, "Are these men skilled? Like the ones you'd use if you had to build?"

He laughed and said, "Oh, no! Indeed! The most common labor's all I need. Because I can destroy, in a day or two, what it takes a builder ten years to do."

And I thought to myself, as I went my way - Which of these roles am I willing to play?

Am I one, who's tearing down, as I carelessly make my way around?

Or am I one who builds with care? So my family, my community, is just a little better, because I was there.

Author unknown

From Michael Ammars web site

Someone Get Me Her Number!

2005-05-27T13:41:00.000-04:00

I've got a bridge to sell her!

PORT RICHEY, Fla. (AP) - A music store manager was charged Thursday with exploiting a woman with Alzheimer's disease who authorities say bought 11 organs from him over 18 months - including four on a single day.

Scott L. Heyder, 36, sold the 79-year-old a progressively more expensive string of the instruments beginning in 2003 - even after her family pleaded with him to stop, Pasco County sheriff's detectives said Thursday.

Heyder was charged with felony exploitation of the elderly and was held on $10,000 bail at the Pasco County Jail.

The woman spent about $25,000 on organs and ended up with one worth only about half that, said sheriff's spokesman Kevin Doll. He said she has not received any money back from the music store, Fletcher Music Center at Gulfview Square Mall.

"I think it's unconscionable, especially after the family confronted this salesperson and said, 'Our mother has mental failings due to Alzheimer's, she doesn't know what she's doing,'" Doll said.

A telephone message seeking comment was left at Heyder's home and not returned Thursday. Officials at Fletcher's Music also did not immediately return calls seeking comment.

Detectives requested that the woman not be publicly identified, fearing she might become the victim of another financial scam.

Help people. please.

2005-05-27T09:58:00.000-04:00

If you have the opportunity to help someone, and don’t, is it a sin? If someone is suffering, and you have the ability to possibly help them, is it wrong to not to help? Suppose I see someone in agony with the flu, would you look down on me if I withheld the flu vaccine from him or her? If someone has HIV, is it wrong of me to try and stop the research to help him or her? If someone has cancer and I interfered with helping him or her, am I a bad person?

These people are all living and suffering. If there is something we can do to help living people, shouldn’t we do it?

If you take a new embryo, just after 4 days (after a few series of cell-division), you can strip out the stem cells, keep them alive, and use them to research help for people.

Pro Life means to also keep people from suffering and to make them well.

Stem Cell Research will be a part of life eventually. There is no question there. The only question is: how long will progress be held up?

PTV

2005-05-25T14:20:00.000-04:00

From Amshinover(via the new chat room):

check THIS is a clip of a sermon that was broadcast last Friday on the official Palestinian Television station. It's about 4 minutes long. While it is truly fascinating, it is also frightening.

I wish I could edit this video and put my own subtitles to it.

New JewZoo Chat Feature!

2005-05-25T09:48:00.000-04:00

The JewZoo is happy to have a new feature! I have just installed a CHAT feature that will allow you the talk with me if I am online. On the right side-bar, there is a new Chat section. If the diamond is green then I am available for chat(pending I havent left my computer as well). If the diamond is red then I am not available for chat.

Enjoy!

Too Much Of The Donald

2005-05-24T13:10:00.000-04:00

From here

In addition to real estate mogul, book author, fashion designer and reality-television personality, add teacher to the list of professions that Donald Trump is dabbling in these days.

Trump launched his newest enterprise yesterday, an online company dubbed Trump University, promising seminars, courses and CD-ROMs designed for "practical education" for working business professionals.

Mr. Trump is starting to get on my nerves. The same thing happened to the Nike shoe company. They over advertised their name and people started to get annoyed. Now you can hardly tell you are watching a Nike commercial until they show a tiny little "swoosh" symbol. It is called damage control. Trying to let the audience know that Nike is there, but with out bothering them. Mr Trump should take a lesson from Nike and step back out of the light for a decade or so.

There is a new poll up on the right side bar addressing this question. Please leave your vote there!

Jesus' Grandma

2005-05-24T11:50:00.000-04:00

Me: Who was Mary's mom?
Friend: Dunno
Me: Think she believed the whole no-father thing or totally grounded Mary?

Any New Testy-ment readers that can answer this?

6th Down?

2005-05-23T10:40:00.000-04:00

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) - The state's test writers tried to come up with a math question about football and ended up with a fumble.

On an end-of-grade test this month, seventh-graders had to calculate the average gain for a team on the game's first six plays. But the team did not gain 10 yards on the first four plays and would have lost possession before a fifth and sixth play.

The team opened with a 6-yard loss, a 3-yard gain and a 2-yard loss, which would have made it fourth down with 15 yards to go for a first down. The team's fourth play was just a 7-yard gain, yet it maintained possession for a 12-yard gain and a 4-yard gain on two additional plays.

"Whoever wrote it didn't think it through," said Gene Daniels, athletics director of Salem Middle School in Apex.

Mildred Bazemore, chief of the state Department of Public Instruction's test development section, said the question makes sense mathematically and was reviewed thoroughly.

"It has nothing to do with football," Bazemore said. "It has to do with the mathematical concepts that you're studying."

Stupid question. When you have the ball at 5th and 8 you MUST throw that. Allthough they did get lucky going into 6th down after capturing 12 yards. The REAL problem with this question is that THIS TEST WAS GIVEN TO SEVENTH GRADERS. A test about simple ADDITION and SUBTRACTION is given to 7th graders... This country is so stupid.

Haloscan

2005-05-20T11:43:00.000-04:00

I have just switched the commenting system to Haloscan.

Enjoy.

Poetry.com

2005-05-20T10:40:00.000-04:00

I wrote a great poem to enter at Poetry.com. It is about mans survival in the world. It is about the meaning of life. It is about how poetry.com is a site that feeds off of peoples emotions and steals their money. He it is in its entirety:

Scam I am
Scammy The Scam Man Scamming The Man
Scam To The Right
Scam To The Left
Scam All Around The World
Scam Scam, Scam I am.

Sadly, Poetry.com gave me this notice when I hit "submit":
We're sorry, your submission may contain one or
more words that are inappropriate for submission.
Please go back to adjust your poem.

Side Note: See this for a poem about my first love.

Ode To A Meat Patty

2005-05-19T16:49:00.000-04:00

notice the rhyming scheme of ABAB and use of Iambic Pentameter

Ode To A Meat Patty

Your texture like a cavernous terrain
Enveloped in the tormenting fire
The beverage I pour is tasty champagne
To swallow while I lounge and admire

Clothed in a bun and drained in tasty ketchup
sheltered by the protective tomato
Pickles and Onions start to pileup
I find you at only the best bistro

You bring joy to everyone that you touch
I place you in my heart on the alter
Is it possible to enjoy so much?
You make me smile, I love you burger.

How Stuff Works: LightSaber

2005-05-18T12:48:00.000-04:00

A great article by the fine people at How Stuf Works goes into explanation of how the light saber functions. It also gives many practical uses for the light saber in the home or as a defence weapon in a parking lot.

Very funny: Howstuffworks: Lightsabers

hat tip: Ari

Starwars: Who Is SyfoDias?

2005-05-17T12:41:00.000-04:00

Ep2: When Obi Wan Kenobi visits the planet Kamino, the Kaminos tell him that the Clone Army was ordered by a Master Syfodias who sat on the Jedi Council. Obi Wan Kenobi relates that Syfodias died ten years before(approax ep1).

Who Is SyfoDias?

Run [to say a bracha on the] Forrest!

2005-05-12T09:45:00.000-04:00

There is a list going around that has been posted on various corridor walls and bulletin boards across the New York school/synagogue circuit. This long list has many locations where you can say the bracha on blooming (flowering - not just leaves) fruit bearing trees.

The idea here is to promote people to go on a hunt across town in order to track down the proper tree to say such a bracha. To go and find, to seek out, to pursue a source, to say the Bracha Ha'ilanos.

In related news:
Currently, I am compiling a list of all the ugly people I know so that you have the opportunity to run after them and say the bracha on ugly and/or deformed/weird looking people.

Robotic Sfira Judaism

2005-05-09T12:01:00.000-04:00

So the rules are:
No Haircutting
No Music
No Movies (movies! may God suppress his wrathful lighting bolt upon you for even using the word "movie", poo poo, amen Selah)

I see.

The rules don't include:
No Video Games
No TV (TV! may God turn away his vengeful smite upon you for even using the letters T and V together)
No Social Gatherings
No Jokes
No Humor
No Levity
Wear a sack-cloth
No Leather Shoes
No Computer
No Ice Cream
No Going Out To Eat
No Raspberry Sorbet
Etc.

What is the point of sfira and how easy are people TOTALLY missing it? Hey, at least you are following the prescribed rules, right? That's all that matters. Robotic Judaism.

*vvvzzzzzz* Self Destruct Sequence Initialized *fweezzzzuuuuu...*

New Car Problem

2005-05-04T13:58:00.000-04:00

I have a new car. The car needs a good license plate holder. I can customize it to say whatever I want. I was thinking of "I Hate Jesus" but that may indanger my car. Please post your thoughts on something to write.

For Sale

2005-05-02T11:51:00.000-04:00

I have a 1991 Ford Escrot for sale! Driven by ZooKeeper-Benjamin!! Wait a minute...I bet that decreases the value....

ROME (Reuters) - A second hand car once said to be registered in the name of Joseph Kardinal Ratzinger -- the new Pope Benedict - is up for sale on eBay and the sky seems to be the limit when it comes to bidding.

The vehicle, a metallic gray 1999 Volkswagen Golf, went up for auction on the German site (www.ebay.de) at a minimum price of 9,900 euros ($12,790) Wednesday and, just over 24 hours and more than 300 bids later, the price had temporarily hit one million euros ($1.3 million).

German Web Site n-tv.de identified the seller as Benjamin Halbe, 21, from the town of Olpe in Germany's Sauerland region, who said he bought the car from a local dealer in January.

"It drives like heaven," the site quoted Halbe as saying.

The Web Site of the German newspaper Bild quoted an eBay spokeswoman in Germany as saying the online auctioneer had checked with the vehicle licensing office which had confirmed the name of the original owner was genuine.

Ratzinger, who is from Bavaria in southern Germany, has been at the Vatican for more than two decades and is not known to drive. The Vatican was not available for comment on the auction, which closes on May 5 at 7.30 p.m. (1730 GMT).

The auction site describes the vehicle as a two liter petrol-powered manual, with 75,000 km (47,000 miles) on the clock since it was first registered in March 1999.

"Does black smoke or white smoke come out of the exhaust pipe?" one posting on the site asked - a reference to the signal used at the Vatican to show whether a new pope has been elected by the secret conclave of cardinals.

"Very funny," was the reply.

Rava Amar: Ochel es Af chavairo...

2005-04-22T13:24:00.000-04:00

Alternate title- Talmud Times: RAVA ARRESTED!

CALCUTTA, India (Reuters) - A paratrooper in India bit off part of a colleague's nose after an argument over switching off the light, police said Friday.

The two soldiers from India's Eastern Frontier Rifles were alone in their barracks Wednesday night when Lance Corporal Bhupesh Rava lost his cool because his roommate wanted the lights on for a little while longer.

An enraged Rava, who had returned from daytime duty, attacked Sepoy Durga Lama, pinned him down and gnawed off his nose, police said.

"People came to Lama's rescue after hearing his shouts for help," said Ranvir Kumar, deputy commissioner of police.

Lama, bleeding profusely, was taken to hospital while his attacker stood in a corner with bloody lips, he said.

Lama told the police that he had asked Rava to "wait for five minutes" before turning the light out while he got dressed to go for his night duty.

Doctors operated on Lama Thursday to fix the bitten chunk of flesh back on his nose. Rava was arrested.

The Eastern Frontier Rifles is a state paramilitary force specializing in tackling a Maoist insurgency in the eastern state of West Bengal, of which Calcutta is the capital.

I wish Rava in Gemorah did stuff like this.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2005-04-20T13:18:00.000-04:00

Other things that happened on 4/20:

1442: Born King Edward IV

1769: Died Pontiac, Chief Of Ottawa

1777: New York adopts new constitution as an independent state

1812: Died George Clinton (1st VP to die in office)

1889: Born Adolf Hitler

1892: Born Harold Llyod

1902: Radium was isolated

1916: 1st National League game at Wrigley Field in Chicago

1937: Born George Takei (Captain Sulu)

1939: New York World's Fair opens

1939: Ted Williams' 1st hit (off of Yankee Red Ruffing) - a double

1943: Poland, Germans Nazi troops massacred the Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto.

1948: NYC doubles subway fare from 5¢ to 10¢

1949: Born Jessica Lang

1951: Born Luther Vandross

1967: New York Mets' Tom Seaver's 1st victory, beats Chicago Cubs, 6-1

1972: Apollo 16 module "Casper" lands on moon

1972: Born Carmen Electra

1976: Born Joey Lawrence (whoa!)

1981: Born Zookeeper-Benjamin

1986: Michael Jordan sets NBA playoff record with 63 points in a game

1999: Columbine High School shooting

Allthough not on 4/20, in 1971 The Waldos created the 420 weed reference

My Gorillas Can Eat Leaven

2005-04-20T12:44:00.000-04:00

As far as the gorillas in this other zoo...

Scary man

2005-04-19T13:31:00.000-04:00

Honestly, does anyone else see this?

Pope Benedict and Emperor Palpatine

The Smoke Up High

2005-04-19T09:20:00.000-04:00

I wonder if ~~Al Sharpton~~ Cardinal Francis Arinze has a problem with the use of white smoke to symbolize a [relative] good thing- a new pope and black smoke to show a bad thing- no new pope yet.

ZooKeeper-Benjamin Of Zeus

2005-04-11T13:59:00.000-04:00

There is a man in South America that claims he has super natural healing powers that allow him to perform miracle surgeries. He even made it on to PrimeTime Live. Please be careful when you click some of the links within this site because some of his "surgeries" made me queasy.

John Of God

Normally I would brush this off and say: "I wish I was such a good con-man". This time it is different. This time I've heard that there are Jews asking their Local Orthodox Rabbis if they [the Jewish wack jobs that believe in this] can go visit John Of God to heal their problems.

If that wasn't bad enough...

There are prominent Rabbis that are in agreement that this Miracle Healer is actually performing miracles. They believe he has been giving this true power by our Lord.

A few 100 or 1000 years ago, people were fooled by miracle healers. They were fooled by all sorts of mystical weirdness like dibbuks taking over bodies, etc. We are blessed, in today's world, to have someone like The Amazing James Randi, to help us understand that these Miracle Workers are nothing but frauds. Rich frauds.

At first I was extremely upset to hear that some of our Rabbis have bought into this and believe he is true. Now I am not specifically upset at the Rabbis. They are normal people *gasp!* that are tricked by things as well.

Please see: http://www.randi.org/jr/021805a.html for an article by Mr. Randi debunking this foolishness.

Starwars Episode III, New Character

2005-04-06T12:00:00.000-04:00

General Grievous sounds very cool.

From Starwars.com:
"Part alien, part druid, Grievous hunts Jedi for sport and proudly displays his victims' lightsabers around his belt as trophies of his conquests."
VERY cool.

The rest of the paragraph makes me unhappy:
"He was trained in lightsaber combat by a Sith Lord"
An alien druid taught by a sith? and he isn't sith himself? grrr...

"His strategic ingenuity, bizarre physical form, and flawless cunning render him almost invincible against the Jedi"
Invincible against Jedi? That hurts almost as much as finding out the force has something to do with Medichlorians. The Jedi are suppose to be the powerful ones...not this robo-dude. grrr....

Only time will tell what this Character will bring. Another Jar Jar Binks disappointment or a legend like Boba Fett?

Product Placement

2005-04-04T13:57:00.000-04:00

Anyone see the big advertisment for coke here?

*hint* It's the guy dressed as a coke bottle

POPE

2005-04-01T14:40:00.000-05:00

Jewish spin:

If we want the messiah, we should try to make the world react this way to jewish events.

make the world recognize the true way.

no time to blog full thought, but you get the idea.

Perdue

2005-04-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

Frank Perdue

1920~2005

Purim Torah

2005-03-14T11:13:00.000-05:00

The following is NOT halachah. It is Purim Torah.

There is a story in Tractate Megilah page 7 side 2.
Rava and Rav Zairah had Purim seudah with each other. They got drunk. Rava slaughtered Rav Zairah. The next day, presumably after being sobered up, Rava resurrected Rav Zairah. The very next year, Rava asked Rav Zairah if he would like to have Purim seudah together again. Rav Zairahs response was: "Miracles don't happen every day".

Normally we infer from this story that drinking is very bad to do and not to do it ever, even on Purim. In the spirit of Purim, venahafoch hu, I would like to point out the opposite of this.

Rav Zairahs responce of: "Miracles don't happen every day" tells us that Rav Zaiarah is afraid he will get his head chopped off again. The only reason he should have this fear is if Rava is drinking again. Perhaps we can even say Rav Zairah was planning to drink again because he might have felt he would not be sober enough to stop Ravas slaughtering again.

So we see, according to the story- they got fashnikered. To emulate our Rabbis of old, we too should get smashlastered.

For the REAL halachah, please see the Mishna Brurah. Also, please decide to follow the Mishna Brurah like you do for every other Halacha. This one is no different.

Bloated Advertising

2005-03-10T12:22:00.000-05:00

It wont stop. Since this mornings drive in to work, I hear a woman's voice ringing in my ears. She is singing a phone number that can be heard on New York radio.

1-877-I'VE-GOT-GAS

Intelligent Energy is the New York division of Infinite Energy. They offer natural gas services.

So now all day, I hear in my head 1 877 I'VE GOT GAS and I will continue to have this in my head whether or not I actually DO have gas or not. Not that I mind. It makes me giggle. Especially since I'VE GOT GAS is coming from a NATURAL GAS company.

If this commercial came on right after the incident here then we would have a big problem....

Jewish Scientists- Please Explain

2005-03-04T13:05:00.000-05:00

The facts:

SAO PAULO, Brazil (AP) - An elderly woman living in a small, wooden shack in rural southern Brazil could be the world's oldest living woman, according to a Brazilian record-keeping organization.

Maria Olivia da Silva, who recently celebrated her 125th birthday, "is definitely the oldest living woman in Brazil and possibly in the entire world," said Iolete Cadari, administrative director of RankBrasil, this country's equivalent to the Guinness World Records.

Da Silva's birth certificate shows that she was born Feb. 28, 1880 in the city of Itapetininga, Sao Paulo state, Cadari said by telephone.

The problem:

I was brought up believing that people can only live to be 120 years old. *throws yamulke on the floor* How can there be a 125 year old woman if all my rabbis told me that people can only live to 120?! *stomps on yamulke*

Can anyone make these mesh without getting chairem?

Why I Am In Favor Of Invisible Cars

2005-03-03T13:26:00.000-05:00

The Man is comming down on us.

Mazel Tov!

2005-02-28T12:00:00.000-05:00

With gratitude to Hashem, creator of the world and ice cream, it pleases me very much to announce that...

...my car passed NY State inspection.

kiddush following services.

The Pope-ster

2005-02-24T09:56:00.000-05:00

The pope gets the flu again

I call his stuff.

Need Hockey....

2005-02-23T14:25:00.000-05:00

Fun With Pictures

2005-02-23T13:21:00.000-05:00

for more picture fun, visit bangitout.com

How George W. Bush Picked A Running Mate

2005-02-16T16:26:00.000-05:00

Things I Would Pay To See 2

2005-02-16T14:33:00.000-05:00

Imagine:
cue, fade in. Startled police chief, in underwear. Lovely music comming from another part of the house. Like a radio left on. Underwear clad police chief stumbles for hand gun. During search for gun, other items picked up thought to be gun: hair dryer, brush, etc.

Action!

And, end scene.

Things I Would Pay To See

2005-02-16T14:14:00.000-05:00

Its like watching a comedy sitcom in real life. Kinda like the opposite of reality-tv, no?

79 year old woman charged in cane attack

The Contender

2005-02-16T09:31:00.000-05:00

This has bad ratings written all over it...

Pink and Green Pigeons

2005-02-16T09:30:00.000-05:00

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A Dutch farmer has painted pigeons pink and green to ward off hungry birds of prey and it seems to have worked, a Dutch newspaper reported Wednesday.

"I'm crazy about the birds ... Naturally, birds of prey are going to eat pigeons, but preferably not here," the farmer told the Algemeen Dagblad newspaper.

He began painting the birds with environmentally friendly, water-based paint a year ago.

"The colors make the pigeons seem unsuitable as prey. The birds of prey simply don't recognize them anymore," he said.

In a related story...
There has been an increase in the Gay Pigeon population of Amsterdam.

How could he get sick?

2005-02-16T09:26:00.000-05:00

Jackson sleeps in a chamber... he wears a face mask... he walks around with a freaking umbrella... HOW DID HE GET SICK?

MJ Gets The Flu

The scary, disturbing soap opera continues...

Unity is nice.

2005-02-11T12:51:00.000-05:00

Bingo Night Moved to Mosque

Mom And Pops Dinner

2005-02-11T12:24:00.000-05:00

There is this little place in the city (NYC) that I've got to tell you about. My wife and I always try to get there for lunch when we visit the city. Some people may think it is slimy or gross or Chassidish. We love it.

In the diamond district there is a place called Diamond Dairy Restaurant, located at 4 West 47th St. It is settled behind a bin of jewelry dealers, perched high above the room of various vendors, in the back of the venue. A stairwell on either side leads up (and, funny enough, down). There are tables and stools by the counter. The menu has a good lunch quality variety of items. A very hot ticket is chulent. Yep, you can get chulent for lunch there.

What is that my wife and I like about this place? There is one waitress there that is the best. Every time we go, we sit at the same table to be sure she is our waitress. When we sit down to order, lets say a soup, she asks: "How bout some crackers dear"? or a sandwich she says: "You need a pickle, hold on". The best is that when she notices, from across the room, that you plastic cup is running low on soda, she darts over and refills your cup from the can of coke sitting next to it.

This waitress is a real Mom from a Mom and Pops kind of place. I suggest it to anyone. Be sure you get a seat closer to the register where the 2 person tables are by the window. Hopefully you will get her and have a very pleasant lunch.

Oh yea, she always signs the bill with a smiley face too.

Stories From Our Childhood

2005-02-11T11:50:00.000-05:00

I miss the classics...

About the Droopy Pants Bill

2005-02-10T23:05:00.000-05:00

Lawmakers where thinking of putting a 50 dollar fine on those that wear their pants to low exposing their underwear in a lude manner.

Have lawmakers ever been to the beach? Would they start passing fines to every person there? What if a male was wearing a ~~bathing suit~~ speedo on 7th avenue? Would they get a fine? What if it was hot out?

A Droopy Pants Article

Pope Goes Home

2005-02-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

tee hee. it just makes me giggle that the AP used the word popemobile. teeheehehee.
Cured Pope Leaves Hospital

Ripping...RIPPING!! IT SAYS RIPPING!

2005-02-10T16:14:00.000-05:00

LONDON (Reuters) - A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances.

She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours."

Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

Kim Jong il - President of N. Korea

2005-02-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

This is Kim Jong il. The president of North Korea. He is also known as Gigantic Forehead No Hairline Guy. The second picture is after he got a bad perm

And here is his impersonation of Elvis:

Or Erik Estrada:

Prince Chalres To Marry Waterbuffalo In Drag

2005-02-10T15:12:00.000-05:00

Please see posting over at dovbear.blogspot.com here.

Round of applauds

2005-02-10T15:06:00.000-05:00

Here is a real role model.

Boozefest 05

2005-02-09T15:36:00.000-05:00

Today is Rosh Chodesh. The last day of the month of Shvat. Tomorrow starts Adar I. Let the 2 months of drinking begin.

New Map Utitliy

2005-02-09T13:18:00.000-05:00

Still in its beta stage, Google has come up with a new mapping utility. It displays roads very clearly. It looks very promising.

maps.google.com

Thanks to AriB for the tipoff.

One Unified World Religion

2004-09-27T13:28:00.000-04:00

The first temple was destroyed because of idol worship, adultery and murder. The Jewish people were able to rectify this bad decree. They mended their ways and was thus zoche to have the second temple. The second temple was destroyed because of tzinas chinam. Tzinas chinam is the inability for one Jew to respect another human being. The Jewish people still suffer from this bad characteristic and have yet to fix their ways. If we are ever to see a third temple, we must correct this problem.

There are obvious methods to cause love, like, or at the very least, not hate of other people. Open mindedness of other cultures, religions, and degrees of religiousness of our own religion is the first step. All people, no matter what degree of religion, race, sex, color, are all the tzelem Elokim, in the image of Gd. We must respect them as equals. Everyone who is like us or not like us deserves the same consideration that we give ourselves.

Other religions are set up such that either you are a member of the religion, or you are not. There is a finite difference between members and non members. Members of the religion are suppose to act according to the rules of their religion. Those who are not members, should convert or they have no part of the religion.

Judaism differs from this conventional religious way. Those that are not Jews are still members of a greater society still expected to worship the Creator of The World. A global unity is expected. Those that aren’t Jewish must still obey the seven Noachite laws and they must recognize the same Gd the Jews do. The ENTIRE world, whether Jewish or not, must be aware of our One True Gd.

When we pray in the morning we mention how we want our people to be cured from illness, we want prosperity, we want the restoration of judges, we want the rebuilding Jerusalem, etc. We should have in our minds when we ask for these things that they should be so that the world will see the True Gd. If all disease was cured, everyone would recognize the greatest of the Lrd. If everyone had what they needed and there were no poor, surely everyone would see Hashem.

When Hashem wanted to destroy us in exile, Moshe said to Hashem that if He were to annihilate us, the other nations would see that Gd couldn’t save his people and had to destroy them. Moshe was concerned that the world should know the One True Lrd.

A world unity to the worship of Gd. An alliance of all people in glorifying the Lrd. We must eradicate the tzinas chinam within us and come together. By having respect for everyone in the world, and the unity of recognizing Gd, I hope that Mashiach will be here now.

Jewish Weddingaling

2004-09-27T11:27:00.000-04:00

"Kabolas Ponim - this means, "How come the ladies get all the good food and booze while we're stuck with four tins of Chinese food, sponge cake, and one bottle of Old Williamsburg?"

"Badeken - This means, "Anybody who's in the way is gonna be trampled."

"The Meal - The wedding meal is very familiar, as it really is just a lavish Shabbos meal composed of the five Jewish food groups: Challah, fish, soup, chicken, and dessert."

"The band then plays "The Final Countdown," which is the only song ever played at this time. Even if the band has something else on the roster, they'll play "Countdown" anyway because they're so used to it."

The rest of Martin Bodek's humorous inside look at the Jewish wedding ceremony can be seen here.

Someone's Watching

2004-09-15T13:41:00.000-04:00

JPost Article that I like.

A-OK-47

2004-09-15T13:26:00.000-04:00

The ten year ban on assault weapons expired on 9/13, with the acquiescence of Congress and the president, and I'm reminded again how the Dems and Repubs are different.

Democrats and Republicans, both, want to fight the terrorists, but both sides have their sacred cows. Fight the terrorists, say the Dems, but don't mess with the first amendment. Fight the terrorists, says the GOP, but don't mess with the second amendment.

At bottom, here's where they disagree: Republicans think people are basicly good. This is why the GOP will give you a gun, and encourage you to trust that Ashcroft and his thugs will enforce the Patriot Act judiciously.

Dems think that people are basicly evil, which is why guns must be banned, and speech must be competely free, because only throught the free exchange of idea can the evil inate to humankind be exposed.

I don't see how Bush can continuing claiming to be resolute, now that he's helped to make it easier for terrorists to purchase Uzis and other submachine guns. But, then, I've never been good at deciphering the Republican mind.

Real Idolatry

2004-09-14T09:37:00.000-04:00

On my way to work I pass by a church. The church has a statue of JC on a pedal stool, about 4 feet off the ground; Around it are pretty pink flowers.

While at a stop light across from this church, I witnessed a woman walk across the lawn to the statue. She then touched the feet of the pigeon toilet and kissed her hand. She looked up in awe and started to mumble things.

I have never seen real authentic idol worship until now.

Hurrican Ivan frees criminals

2004-09-09T10:31:00.000-04:00

Ivan liberates criminals (AP)

".... confirmed that an unknown number of criminals were on the loose after the country's crumbling and overcrowded 17th century prison, a hilltop fortress in colonial days, was "completely devastated." He said they included some of the 17 people who were jailed for life for killings during a Marxist palace coup in 1983. But he said he didn't know which ones in the group escaped, or if former Deputy Prime Minister Bernard Coard was among them."

Ever see the movie Con Air? The freedome of many criminals reminds me of that movie. Rent it today.

'ole imp, icks!

2004-08-18T09:37:00.000-04:00

What is the big hype about?

There is so much international competition already. All of the teams have seen each other before in other world competitions. These meets are just another tournament. What is so special about the Olympics today?

It also seems that if you don't get gold then your win is worthless. I've never seen happy faces on the silver or bronze medallists. Only the gold winner is happy. Why have a silver and bronze medal?

So much hype for just another international tournamnet.

Bored Games

2004-08-11T10:09:00.000-04:00

I know they are called Board Games. They are called that because they are games that you play on a board.

What about games that don't have a board? Are they still called Board Games? Maybe They should be called Bored Games because they are games you play when you are bored.

And what about games that are boring that are played on boards? Would those get to be called Board Games or Bored Games?

Maybe, one day, boring board games played with out boards wont exist and we will only have board games played on boards that arent boring.

Slate Scores

2004-08-03T13:22:00.000-04:00

This is from Slate

Dramatis personae: Me and Citigroup, the latter represented solely by its ad slogans.

ME: Um, hi. Look, I know this is an odd question to ask, but I've been reading some things in the papers about you guys lately, and I just want to make sure: Is my money OK?

CITIGROUP: People with fat wallets are not necessarily more jolly.

ME: What the hell is that supposed to mean? All I want to know is, you haven't gone and done anything irresponsible with my checking account, have you?

CITIGROUP: Holding shares shouldn't be your only form of affection.

ME: Oh, God. You have done something with my money, haven't you? Just tell me what you've done. I promise not to be mad.

CITIGROUP: He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

ME: You put it all into WorldCom, didn't you?

CITIGROUP: Funny how nobody ever calls it warm, soft cash.

ME: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Point taken. But just out of curiosity—you know, not that such things matter to me—exactly how much of my cash do you still have left?

CITIGROUP: Don't wait until someone says "Your money or your life" to remember that they are two different things.

ME: Oh, sweet Jesus. It's all gone, isn't it?

CITIGROUP: People make money. Not the other way around.

ME: That didn't even make any sense. Look: I sort of needed that money for little things like … rent.

CITIGROUP: Be independently happy.

ME: (Inarticulate whimpering.)

CITIGROUP: Human decency is up a point and kindness is making a rally.

ME: You'd better hope so.

CITIGROUP: Live richly!

ME: Go to hell.

My (Cr)ass Post

2004-08-02T14:07:00.000-04:00

I was driving home last Friday and I noticed it was time to buy some gas (forget starting a college fund for my kids). A block before I pulled in for my purchase, in the privacy of my own car, I released a puff of "wind" from my internals. The second that happened, the chorus to a famous Lynyrd Skynyrd song popped on the radio:

"Ooooh that smell. Can't you smell that smell"

Of course this led to hysterical laughter, which, in turn, led to more wind breaking. This loop went on for a block until I pulled in to buy gas.

I almost imploded.

snack time

2004-07-27T22:14:00.000-04:00

After Maariv tonight the shteible put out some food: cake, cookies, herring, OJ, even some sctoch. I've never seen this before. It isn't done in proper shuls. The question is why?

I asked around and the boys said this was a common practice. They all grew up in shteibles, and they all saw it at the end of every fast. What do you think this says about the shtiebles? Positive? (so heimish, so friendly) or negative? (they make their wives wait, and dont have the dicipline to wait until their home)

Cunning Right Hand

2004-07-27T13:03:00.000-04:00

We've been to weddings. We've heard the song.

Im eskokaych Yerusalayim tishkach yimini.

Or, in the official translation: "If I forget thee Jerusalem let my right hand forget her cunning.

Cunning?

Per the dictionary:

cun-ning
Marked by or given to artful subtlety and deceptiveness

Usage: an aptitude for attaining some end by peculiar and secret means. Cunning is usually low; as, a cunning trick...A cunning man often shows his dexterity in simply concealing.

Is this what the Psalmist meant? Is this even what the translator meant?

Moreover, when I translate the words myself I get something like: "Forgeting Jerusalem would be like forgetting my right hand."

What do low and deceptive tricks have to do with it?

Odd moment at the convention

2004-07-27T10:53:00.000-04:00

In his speech Gore, decrying the 2000 election, asks, "Did you get what you expected from the candidate you voted for?" "NOOOOOO!" the delegates shout. Um, excuse me, but isn't this the Democratic National Convention?

And, if as I suspect, they all voted for Gore, who exactly are the delgates insulting?

http://www.slate.com/id/2104296/

2004-07-27T09:44:00.000-04:00

Ok, I am a little bummed. Nothing happened on T'Bav?

No wrong way to eat

2004-07-26T13:02:00.000-04:00

How come sometimes I get a reccess peanut butter cup that has two cup-wrappers?

Unholy Table Manners

2004-07-22T13:06:00.000-04:00

We often have guests for shabbos lunch, and occasionaly an RN slips through the rigorous screening. Though I think they enjoy the food and the conversation, here's a brief list of things they don't like.

1 - I sit for kiddush
2 - I don't put a few drops of water into the wine bottle before I pour the wine into the kiddush cup. And if the wine is any good, I don't let the RNs do it either.
3 - My shabbos lunch kiddush consists of one posuk: "kee shayshes" and one bracha "boray pri hagofen" Nothing more, nothing less.
4 - I do not pre-cut the challa loaf before saying the brocha.
5 - I pour salt on the sliced challa directly. I do not put the salt on the table, and then dip the bread into the salt.
6 - Sometimes my wife sprinkles the salt on the challa, if I am slicing the loaf too slowly.
7 - We don't always serve fish

Other than these 7 abberations, I think lunch at my house is pretty traditional. We sing zmirot. The kids irritate and annoy. And my wife does most of the work. Just like our ancestors, no?

Yeshivish Jewish History

2004-07-21T15:59:00.000-04:00

Z is an older guy, who is easy to like. We go to the same chumash shiur. For some reason, the discussion turned to Rashi's interpretation of the word "chamushim" in the beginning of parshas b'shalach. Though Rashi gives several translations for the word "chamushim," the only one everyone remembers is "one fifth" as in "one fifth of Israel left Egypt, the rest died during the plague of darkness."

I suppose I should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn't yet write for a blog. In retrospect, I could have countered with the other explanations Rashi provides, but instead I went with a doubly obscure Ibn Ezra (why doubly obscure? Well, first because it is the Ibn Ezra, after all, and second because this particular comment does not appear in the Mikraot Gedolot. When I went looking for it, I discovered it's in another version of the Ibn Ezras chumash commentary)

Anyway, regarding chamushim=one fifth, the Ibn Ezra begins by saying (as he often does) "if this is a midrash we'll accept it" and then delivers a laundry list of arguments against the midrash. In this case, among other things, he didn't like the math, he didn't like the idea that 3 million Jewish men could die during the plague without this small fact being recorded in the Torah, and he thought it was odd that the Jews would have been so, well, joyfull at the Exodus if 4/5 of their community had recently been annihilated.

When I finished recounting the Ibn Ezra, Z looked at me and said (I swear I am not making this up) "Wow. How does the Ibn Ezra learn Rashi?"

I swear I was so shell shocked I almost fell off my chair.

Luckily, the Rabbi leading the shiur kept his wits about him, and gently let Z, an alum of the very best Brooklyn yeshivot, in on the little-known facts that (1) the Ibn Ezra was dead before Rashi was a glimmer in his mother's eye (2) they were both Rishonim, and (3) the whole chamushim=one fifth wasn't Rashi's idea anyway. It is a midrash.

Now if only I could get the Rabbi to stop saying "Evan Ezra."

A Hats Halachic Style

2004-07-21T14:26:00.000-04:00

The RNs tickle me. Not literally, of course. But in a safe, sane, and purely metaphorical manner.

Just recently I was speaking with J, a fine boy with a regulation haircut and a properly brimmed hat, who takes pains to stress, in proper religious fashion, that his highly-paid vocation is "just a job" and "not a career." We were at Mincha, on Shabbas afternoon, and J thought the blue shirt I was wearing deserved a comment.

Now, Mincha chatter is seldom noteworthy. In the whole history of the republic I doubt anything important has ever been said at Mincha on Shabbas afternoon. But I think this took an interesting turn.

J: I see you're wearing a blue shirt.
Me: I see you're not wearing a tie.

And so on, until:

Me: Let me ask you this: I see you are wearing a hat and a jacket but no tie. Why does the tie come off before the hat? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
J: Well, a tie is just style. A hat is brought down in halacha.

Thankfully, I left it there. Instead of responding, I thought: I don't need to make my case in the middle of shul. I'll use my blog. So here goes:

1 - The Mishna Berurah tells us in 91:12 that during prayer we are required to wear a hat because it isn't normal to stand before an important person without one. A strong argument can be made that today we are not required to wear a hat during prayer because today it is quit enormal to stand before an important person without a hat (most people speak to their rosh yeshiva bareheaded, and no one approaches the president or a king with a hat on.)

2 - Even if this is a requirement the halacha would not require us to wear a black, Barcelona hat. any other hat would be sufficient.

3 - The phrase "brought down" is absurd. It's used to suggest that though all the halachas were known to all the original sages, some were not revealed until a later authority"brought it down." If it's true that the hat was "brought down" then it must also be true that all the original sages wore hats. Sadly, hats, as we know them with brims and shaped crowns, did not exist until rather recently. And if we say that the word "hat" is subjective, and it refers to whatever people happened to wear their heads in those days (a turban for the Rambam, a rag-like kefiya for Moshe Rabbenu) we're right back where we started: No one wears hats today.

4 - Agreed, a black hat is not "stylish" in the sense of Milan or Vogue Magazine, but if everyone is wearing them the reason, most likely, is style.

I hope J can find a moment during his busy job, but not a career, to read this.

Mini Boycott Cooper

2004-07-20T15:03:00.000-04:00

I would like to own a Cooper Mini but I fear the contempt of the RNs. Do my RNs oppose stylish, yet affordable, cars? Yes, judging from their own choices. But the German-Mini-connection might trouble them more.

I do try to boycott the Nazis like a good member of the horde. But it gets so confusing. Are Minis out? They're owned by BMW (Bavarian Motor Wee-hicles) but during the war, the Cooper people were on our side. Should I buy my Mini as a show of thanks to the brave British lads who fought alongside the allies during World Was II? Or, should I boycott them because some of the profits of my purchase might end up in the bank account of a person of German descent? Can I go to Disneyland, ifI know that someone named Horst is on the Disney Board? What if my 401k owns real estate in Munich? Should I divest? Where is the line, assuming there is a line?

And I have a related question: How can Jews fight terrorism? Though I think the current approach (talking about it during chazeres hashatz) is swell, I'm not seeing good results. Maybe we should "ramp up" and discuss it during Torah reading, too? Or perhaps the answer is to boycott SUVs.

Though I can't prove it via a clever hyperlink, I suspect that some of or oil comes from Arab lands. I further suspect that some of the money we send to Kuwait in exchange for oil tankers ends up in the wrong hands. So, wouldn't it help -- even a little bit - if we stopped buying cars that yield 3 miles per metric ton of gasoline?

What do you think? Should we continue making a Firm Point for Decency and Jewish Pride by boycotting Becks beer, or perhaps we ought to reconsider those cars that are roughly the same size as minor aircraft carriers, too?

Excerpt Re: The Role of Cognitive Schemas in Reinforcing Biased Reactions

2004-07-20T12:07:00.000-04:00

One might suppose that schemas that repeatedly lead to mistaken conclusions about cause and responsibility would gradually disappear through a process akin to natural selection. Under such a theory, experience would lead people to distinguish over time between "bad" and "good" schemas and abandon use of the former. In fact, cognitive research suggests otherwise. Researchers associate schemas with the cognitive bias known as the conservatism bias. 24 This link implies that schemas are strongly resistant to cognitive change. Indeed, the evidence indicates that as people employ schemas more frequently, they become more resilient to inconsistent evidence. 25 If I have been taught that priests are saintly men who do not indulge in the vices that plague the rest of us sinners, I am not apt to reject or even amend this prior knowledge when I encounter a priest who smokes, drinks alcohol, [*773] or tells off-color jokes. Rather, I am likely to regard this individual as a deviant from his role. Labeling him a deviant reinforces the underlying schema.Experimental research indicates that ego-involvement is a principal source of the conservatism bias. 26 The ego, acting as an organizer of knowledge, encodes and manages information in a highly selective fashion that confirms what is already known. The ego acts to preserve itself by protecting the integrity of its existing organization of knowledge. The conservatism bias to which ego-involvement contributes is evident in a wide variety of common social practices, ranging from Americans' resistance to adopting the metric system to refusals to admit errors in one's memory. The effect of this bias is that once the ego has initially encoded and organized the knowledge, it tends to strongly resist change.

Interesting, no?

Bitter Neighbors

2004-07-16T11:58:00.000-04:00

The religious neighbors are also bitter about the political influence held by the ultra-religious neighbors. The RNs may not like hedonism and homosexuals, but they've aquired a fondness for trees and grass. The URNs want more houses. Lots of them. One on top of the other. And, they will get them because, like Vito, they carry the local politicians in their pockets, like so many nickels and dimes.

After Marc Rich, a few acres of housing is cake... or kugel, anyway.

That Slate Test

2004-07-15T18:17:00.000-04:00

I took this test, and on the second try turned up blue. Thank god. I am too old too learn how to pick my teeth with a switchblade. We live in New York, a glorious freedom-loving state that is blue as can be. This political fact bothers many of the religious neighbors, who associate blueness with hedonism and homosexulaity and europeans who canoodle with Palestenians. The religious neighbors are upset that here, in New York, their votes in national elections are meanigless. That gets a thank god, too.

The problem with Bush...

2004-07-15T11:52:00.000-04:00

The problem with Bush might not be that he's a "lying weasel," who traded away our nation's prestige for a bag of chips. And it might not be that he's an utter fraud (my apologies to any of you who thought he was a self-made millionaire and also a cowboy, born and raised on the hardscrabble Crawford ranch.) The problem might be that the intelligence services misled him. Do we want a president so easily duped?

ACCUSATION

2004-07-14T14:52:00.000-04:00

This link has been added to provoke protests from the one, lonely Bush lover that visits this site.